He Likes Me for Me, or Not, Part 5

In the spirit of love and romance brought on by ubiquitous candy-red hearts, I spent February on a series about The One Successful Setup and some of the many that failed before him.  Here is the conclusion, and some lessons learned along the way.  In case you missed the first four parts of the series, click here: 1 2 3 4

The Blessid Union of Souls’ song “Hey Leonardo” about loving others as they are is a powerful lesson in what will bring one longterm joy in relationships.  “She likes me for me, and not because…”


Over the last few weeks, we’ve discussed why some of my setups were doomed to failure.  Today, I’d like to offer a few musings about the lessons learned from each of them.

From the Misogynist: People that don’t treat you well when they don’t know you are unlikely to start treating you better.  Have you ever noticed that we’ll go out of our way to be polite to absolute strangers, but we can say the most hurtful things to the people we love the most?

From Perfect on Paper: although our minds tell us not to get attached, our hearts act independently.  Don’t wait to meet someone, getting attached all along the way, until you know the feeling is reciprocated.  Here’s an instance where being able to meet someone face-to-face quickly is a huge advantage.

And from Mr. Disapproving: good-looking guys are all jerks.  Oh, wait, no, K isn’t (a jerk, that is.  He’s plenty good-looking…)  All joking aside, don’t let a pretty face lull you into complacency when evaluating a setup.

So my advice, in a few words: You deserve a partner who treats you well and supports you.  Don’t let the pressures of setups convince you to fold on the most important criteria—whether he likes you for you.

Image: “Candy Hearts” by Michelle Tribe is licensed under CC BY 2.0

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