Cuss words: they’re one of the first bits of slang we pick up when learning new languages by immersion. But did you know the oldest cuss word in English is an f-word? Not the f-word, though, just the oldest f-word.
The oldest cuss word in English is “fart.”
The Oldest F-Word
Dating to the 11th century, where scholars identified “Pedatio, feorting” in The London-Antwerp Glossaries, the word “fart” has been around for a while.
So what is this reference book? Not quite a dictionary. Scholars identify The London-Antwerp Glossaries as the (current) oldest long Old English text that was never edited. It was used as part of the English schoolbooks of the era.
I know the real f-word—and probably even “fart”—never made it into any of our early readers. I can’t think of a single children’s book I’ve read that includes the word, not even “Everyone Poops.” Can you imagine the Karens’ outrage today? “How dare you use the word ‘fart’ in a children’s book?!” I will, however, make the case that, just as everyone poops, everyone also farts. Whether it’s stinky, loud, or famously silent and deadly, it’s a normal bodily function.
This image, of a man trumpeting from his rear using farts, is not unique for the time. This one comes from the Belgian poet, Jacques de Longuyon, in the illuminated manuscript “Les vœux du paon” (The Vows of the Peacock), circa 1350. Many of the images of creatures in the manuscript show faces where the butt should be, implying that they could produce music from that orifice. Several illuminations, like this one, also have trumpets positioned or inserted there. Ahem. I’m honestly flabbergasted that this particular imagery is so common in medieval literature, though it illustrates (literally) that the scribes of the era obviously had a sense of humor.
Ridiculous Facts About Farts
I can’t resist giving you some facts about farts. Cows and termites are the largest producers of farts.
Beaded lacewing larvae weaponize their farts, using them to stun their prey. These farts immobilize termites for up to three hours so they can eat prey bigger than they are.
If you’re a fan of Jurassic Park, it shouldn’t surprise you to know that insect farts have also been fossilized along with their originators as little air bubbles in amber.
The Real F-Word
In case you’re wondering, the more commonly recognized f-word made it into the English language pretty early too. The first documented use of the traditional f-word dates back to a November 3, 1310, court document, the Chester County Court Plea Rolls, referencing a man who was supposed to be arrested. He continued to evade arrest, and his name (including the f-word) appeared in six more court documents. He was declared an outlaw since they couldn’t find him.
Maybe if they’d used his real last name instead of an insult including the f-word to identify him, they would have been more successful. Can you imagine cursing in official government paperwork? I’m appalled but also reluctantly impressed.
To be fair, it remains unclear if that specific usage of the f-word really matches the definition we know. But the next documentation, in the early 1500s, definitively shows its modern usage as a curse word.
So the next time you need to pass gas or flatulate, consider that you are just being an old fart. See what I did there?
Additional Resources
This timeline of filthy words is too entertaining not to provide for your edification.