Do You Want the Guy Singing This Song?

Since we’ve been home under shelter-in-place orders, my husband and I celebrated our eleventh anniversary at home. Our botched celebration involved a plan for takeout and an at-home Paint-And-Pour event cobbled together from existing art supplies and our wine rack after the kids went to bed. Unfortunately, my husband had an allergic reaction to something in his dinner, so he ended up going to bed early after lounging on the couch watching a concert uploaded to YouTube.

We found and watched a few classic concerts over the following days and then received a recommendation for some similar music videos. As big fans of 80s music, we landed on REO Speedwagon’s “Can’t Fight This Feeling,” which inspired a spirited discussion.

For the record, I really like this song, and I’m pretty sure at one point I owned REO’s greatest hits album.

The Guy

From K’s perspective, the song’s male narrator sounds like a total flake. “Who would want to be in a relationship with a guy like that?” he asked me.

A guy who’s friends with a girl and doesn’t want to confess his feelings…

(“What started out as friendship has grown stronger and I only wish I had the strength to let it show”)

A guy claiming to have no sense of life purpose…

(“‘Cause I feel so secure when we’re together,” “Even as I wander,” and “My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you”)

A guy following the lead of this girl he seems to trust and believes he loves…

(“And it always seems that I’m following you, girl, ‘cause you take me to the places that alone I’d never find”)

A guy who apparently plans to crash on her couch until she reciprocates his feelings…

(“If I have to crawl upon the floor, come crashing through your door”)

Seriously, he’s acting like my kid throwing a tantrum and not respecting my boundaries…

The Girl

This analysis brought us to the girl. What kind of person is this woman? Based on the lyrics, she sounds like a really stable, capable person who goes after her goals and inspires longing in this guy she’s been friends with for a long time.

(“I feel so secure when we’re together,” “You give my life direction, you make everything so clear”, and “You’re a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter’s night”)

Who actually leaves candles in windows on winter nights anymore? The song is from the 1980s, when we had electricity. The last time I heard about someone doing this was during the Great Depression to offer extra food to the hungry, or that scene in the “Little House” books when Ma left the candle for Pa after a shopping trip to town went late.

K felt that the girl could do much better.

The Relationship 

While I don’t disagree, I then flipped the script and considered the fact that many of the romance novels I read, especially the historical ones, have a flaky, helpless heroine who thinks she has it all figured out but actually needs the big strong hero to come and fix her life for her. Oh, and he also has to love her because what is the point of stability in the Middle Ages without his telling her that he loves her?

Yes, now I’m questioning what I like about these alpha male heroes and the damsel-in-distress heroines who think they’re so brave…

Of course, since K has not read (any) romance novels to be able to appreciate the tropes, I also approached the song from a practical standpoint. Of course a spontaneous person would appreciate stability in their significant other, and surely a staid homebody could use a little less structure in their life and they relationships.

Just the same, we both questioned the long-term happiness of such a couple, where one is so dependent on the other to provide their purpose and direction.

The Conclusion

In the end, we did agree on one thing. The girl was a catch, and pretty soon this guy was going to be “wishing that I had Jessie’s girl.”

Messages from Quarantine

Darkness across the world with COVID-19 continues to flood the newsfeeds. Staying home, knowing that inaction is the only way to support the brave medical personnel, grocery and food service folks, and transportation service can be daunting.

“Home” Schooling

Suddenly trying to support my kids’ teachers’ efforts to continue the curricula from home has been a challenging affair. T and I have found our groove by doing academic activities for fifteen minutes followed by ten minutes of play time.

D and I have struggled a little more. We’ve tried to play a lot of games, but every time I try to put an academic bent on a game…well, let’s just say we’ve not seen much success. I haven’t given up, though.

We try to spend some backyard or front yard time if the weather is good, but today with the rain, I opted for a session of Coach Joe’s PE class on Youtube. If you’re old enough to actually do it, it’s a great workout. If you’re an excitable preschooler and his older sister, however, your mom will probably yell at you to stop bouncing on the sofa instead of actually doing the jumping jacks. I enjoyed the workout and plan to follow along, but I’m going to have to track something else down for the children’s physical activity.

Artistically, we also try to do some drawing based on a Youtube tutorial or just free drawing.

The kids have also discovered the joys of Super Mario Brothers. Their dad encourages them (and helps them actually clear the boards…) and I escape to get some quiet time writing or reading. It’s amazing how a single block of time while they stare at a screen now results in another few hundred words.

T and I drew Princess Peach from a Youtube tutorial.

Culinary Efforts

It comes as no surprise that I have a sweet tooth. My sweet MIL offered to cook lunch and dinner for all of us as long as I kept the kids from harassing her all day long, so I’ve gotten to focus on sweets, like these delicious chocolate cups. I filled them with peanut butter, homemade marmalade, or homemade chocolate blackberry jam. This must be my third or fourth batch of these since I found the recipe—they come together so quickly and use ingredients I always have in the pantry.

Chocolate Cups

I also made rasmalai, which was a huge hit and tasted way better than anything I’ve had in a restaurant. My mom’s recipe finally came out right using the toaster oven rather than my somewhat moody regular oven. This is a two-part dessert, one part a ricotta cheese bake and the other a half-and-half syrup cooked way down.

I’m also looking forward to testing out some handed-down family recipes in the coming days. We tracked down all the necessary ingredients in the recesses of the pantry, so I’m about to give it a try. Unlike the cakes and cookies I’m used to, Indian desserts are usually made with syrups and involve a lot of stove-top cooking. The ones I’ve made usually take full-fat milk and lots of sugar, then cook off all the liquid. The flavor profile usually includes saffron and cardamom. Nuts, especially pistachios, can be used as garnish or may be a main ingredient. Coconut is another popular addition. The recipe I have on hand takes a mix of nuts and coconut…I’ll let you know how it goes.

Also, to avoid a complete breakdown of the hard work I’ve done, between working out and intermittent fasting, trying to lose weight, I enjoy my desserts but move the majority of them to the freezer so I can enjoy them when the mood strikes instead of eating them mindlessly just because they are available.


Well, I caught a bit of a Star Wars marathon while getting all my ironing done, and I’m watching Wonder Woman while I write this post.

Honestly, I’ve gotten my fill of COVID-19 coverage, and I’m trying to stay positive in the face of the heartbreaking news from Italy and elsewhere. Watching more sobering coverage while unable to get a change of scenery seems like a difficult mental health challenge.

I haven’t started any new shows, and the reading I’ve done has largely been lighthearted. I have also kept up with my language lessons on DuoLingo, which I think is the easiest way to learn a new language or three…

Stay safe and stay home, everyone. Wash your hands, and reach out to family and friends through the amazing bits of technology at our disposal. Together, we can flatten the curve.