Magic, Monsters, and Mommy

When my kids woke up yesterday and discovered drink stirrers, they immediately morphed into wizards.

“Sssssss,” goes D. “You’re a frog, Mommy.”

Dutifully, I “ribbit, ribbit, ribbit,” from the pillows until he gets bored.

“Sssssss, you’re Mommy again.”

“Oh, thank goodness. I was getting hungry and didn’t want to eat flies.”

Then T gets in on the action. “Zap!” she says, brandishing her clear wand. “You’re a monster.”

“Sssssss,” D says. “Mommy.”

“No, turn her into a monster,” T insists.

“Sssssss,” D says, “you’re a monster.”

“ROAR!” Replete with a deepened voice, hands gripped like claws, and wide angry eyes, I morph into Monster Mommy.

The kids scream, T with surprise and D with some genuine fear. He hides behind his big sister and peeks out at me. After a moment, I offer them an unexpected ROAR again. D screams again and wraps his arms around his sister’s waist. T comforts him with an arm draped over his shoulder. It was a priceless, precious moment I’ll treasure as their mother, even if they did look a bit like these lemurs.

“You better turn me into a Mommy again if you want cuddles,” I warn.

“No, not yet,” says T, but D is ready. “Sssssss.” He climbs up to snuggle in bed with me while T tries to undo his work.

“Your wand doesn’t work anymore,” I tell her. “Only your brother’s does.” And then T climbs up to cuddle with me, too. Best start to the day ever.

Friday Funnies in Advance of the Eclipse

I’m so excited about the upcoming solar eclipse. The glasses I ordered for work showed up yesterday and when I brought them in today, my coworkers and I spent a few minutes discussing our eclipse plan.

After reviewing the detailed safety instructions on the glasses, we’ve decided to play “Blinded by the Light” since there is a particular reference about the fun of looking directly at the sun. I suspect the song will last longer than the eclipse itself.

We played the song, rocked out with air guitars, and debated the merits of using one of the glasses as a filter over the cell phone camera to record the eclipse.

Of course this also gave us an opportunity to make bad chemistry jokes, since the sun is made primarily of helium. Helios was a sun god in Greek mythology. He was a Titan eventually supplanted by Apollo, the god of light and an Olympian.

Onto the jokes:

A chemist was reading a book about helium. He couldn’t put it down.

Helium walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “We don’t serve noble gases here.”
Helium doesn’t react.

And finally, what did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of helium? “He He.”